Ten Craziest Wars of History

war suffering

Ten Craziest Wars of History
By Pascal Sylvester
1 The Great Guano War
Guano is a pretty fancy word for... wait for it... bird droppings. So technically, this was a war fought for a mound of bird droppings. In the year 1879, three countries, Chile Bolivia and Peru fought for the control of large deposits of guano located at the Atacama desert. Apparently, guano was considered something of a rarity and due to its high mineral contents, was very useful in the production of explosives. In essence, he who controlled the poo, called the shots, literarily. After a prolonged war, lasting till 1883, the war was won by Chile, who quickly moved in to secure the countries poo mound.
2 The Falklands war
This war was fought between the nations of Argentina and Britain over the Falklands. Despite its sweet sounding name, the Falklands was an uninhabited Archipalego in the Pacific ocean that had no exploited national resource, but which belonged to Britain, who used it primarily as a military base. And it happened that in the year 1982, Argentinian forces interested in seizing control of the island for no clear purpose invaded the island and declared it Argentinian territory. Piqued by this, the British army engaged the Argentinian forces, and due to their superior naval force, sent them packing in less than two months, and regaining control of the precious Falklands.
3 The First Franco- Mexican War
This war is most famously known as the pastry war. Beginning from 1828, there was massive civil disorder in the new Mexican republic leading to a state of near anarchy and a considerable drop in the fortunes of the republic. Later in the year, due to the civil disorder, a French Chef; Remontel lost his shop to looting Mexican forces. He petitioned the French king Louise-Phillipe, who in turn petitioned the Mexican President Anastasio Bustamante to pay the Chef a compensation of 600,000 Pesos, a petition which was promptly ignored. Angered by this, as well as a huge backlog of national debt owed France by Mexico, King Phillipe ordered a military blockade of all Mexican ports beginning from 1838. It quickly escalated into an all out war that lasted till 9, March 1839, but only after Remontel had been fully compensated.
4 The Texas Archive War
This war is as bizarre as bizarre gets because it was primarily between a nation's military and its citizens. In 1839 the capital of the Nation of Texas was moved from Houston to Texas, as well as the national archives. Unhappy with that, President Sam Houston after whom Houston was named used the opportunity of the Mexican invasion of Texas moved back to Houston under the pretext that Austin was no longer safe from the invaders. Haven evacuated the congress to Washington on the Brazos, he sent an armed regiment to evacuate the national archives. However the people of Austin led by Angelina Eberly being aware of the presidents less than altruistic motive fired at the regiment with a lone cannon. Haven been given orders to retrieve the archives without bloodshed, the regiment did not retaliate, and were pursued by the cannon wielding town folk. The army was forced to surrender, defeating the presidents plan of relocating the capital.
5 The Football War
The football war of 1969 to 1980 was an all out conflict that broke out after a soccer match between Honduras and Salvador. Before the match, there was growing tensions between the two nations due to international disputes over various issues including border disputes. After the ill fated soccer match, rioting broke out, and seizing this opportunity Salvador stepped in to seize a piece of land long being in dispute, leading to an all out war between the two nation only settled in 1980, after a peace treaty was signed which saw ownership of the land returned to Honduras.
6 The Cod War
The primary cause of this war which was fought between Iceland and Britain was fish. In 1958, Iceland decided to arbitrarily increased their fishing boundaries from a mere four miles to 200 miles encroaching on British interest. Claiming that Cod fishing was their primary source of national income, the Icelanders claimed exclusive fishing rights in this zone. Piqued by this affront, the British declared war on Iceland in 1975, destroying 20 of their fishing vessels and only ending the war when NATO and the United States interfered putting an end to the war, and giving exclusive fishing rights to Iceland.
7 The Beard War
The cause of this war is as ridiculous as the name sounds. It started when King Louis VII of France married Duchess Eleanor of England. King Louis VII was a striking figure with an imposing full beard, and when he had cause to go for the Crusades, he came back to France clean shaven. Apparently, the Duchess preferred the king having a full beard and asked the king to grow it back. Upon Louises' refusal, she divorced him, went back to England and married King Henry II, from where she ordered war on France. The war lasted for 301 years ending only when France won the war.
8 The Russian War of 1812
Having conquered a great many lands, Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte set his eyes on Russia. Amassing an army 600,000 strong, he proceeded to march on Moscow. However, due to grave logistic errors, he failed to prepare his men for the harsh realities that was the Russian weather. And so, when he arrived at Moscow, he found that the large majority of the civilian, military and government population had already evacuated leaving behind a starving minority. Napoleon's army left with nothing to conquer and mostly starving proceeded to loot what was left of the few supplies in the city. Finally, Napoleon ordered his army to retreat, but not before losing about 560,000 to the harsh weather and hunger.
9 The War of the Golden Stool
In the early 20th century, the British Empire began an all out invasion and annexation of large parts of the African continent. In present day Ghana however, the British soldiers met with opposition by the local tribesmen. The golden stool of the Ashante kings was the symbol of authority, and when the governor general demanded that the stool be brought so he could sit on it, the people fiercely resisted, leading to a war against the tribesmen. Since the British had superior firepower, they made short work of the tribesmen, and also captured the stool in the process, presumably to sit on. The war that resulted has infamously been referred to as the war of the golden stool.
10 World War 1
World war one has variously been described as the bloodiest, most expensive and dumbest war in all of human history. Spanning from 1914 to 1918, this war saw a death toll of over 15 million people. It has been regarded as a big family squabble allowed to get out of hand, on a global scale, because the original contenders were all scions of the old British royal house. Although the war was caused by a number of factors including economic policy, militarism, nationalism and imperialism, the actual trigger for the war was pulled, quite literarilly, by the infamous assassin, the 19 year old Gavrilo Princip, who shot and killed the Austrian Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sophie while the couple were on a visit to Sarajevo on June 28th 1914. Seeing this as an affront, Austria in conjunction with Hungary declared war on Serbia exactly a month after the assassination on July 28th. Eventually, all the major world powers pitched in, and it resulted in a free for all among nations including Germany, France, Belgium and Great Britain.
Pascal is a blogger who focuses on health. You can catch up with some of his work on http://www.healthits.wordPress.com and if you must absolutely see his face, check him on IG @psylvus
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